So good, I love this; an addendum to all 'Third Place' thinking.
Some additions:
- Making it more normal to actually be a neighbour, especially when living in a complex. Fruit trees are a great example of this – in season, it is impossible for one household (especially single households) to eat the entirety of a fruit tree's offering. It actually gets overwhelming to try, and is therefore a joy to put out a bowl of limes for people to take on their way in our out.
The same goes for not knowing what to do with all the other 25 chillies going begging in the fridge after an ambitious curry night. Whizz them up, make a few jars of chilli oil, and distribute to brave neighbours.
- Make it a habit to send out optimistic but low-pressure messages to friends when you find yourself in their area, especially if they live further out. 'I'm around, are you free for coffee?'
- Make an effort to support independent shops in the area that demonstrate a sense of thoughtfulness and community orientation instead of just doing an online order for bread and eggs.
- Walk around your neighbourhood! This not only helps you feel more connected to the streets you live on, but is good for you, slows you down, and gives you a free and pretty (hopefully) way to pass time with kids and friends. What a novelty; to simply lock your door, put the keys in your pocket, and wander off.
Love these suggestions. Shopping locally is really an easy way to fight off that convenience culture. And the sharing of produce is so great. Jars of lemon curd for everyone!
Oh! I thought I'd seen you reference it before. Blue Cafe also touts it a lot haha, but it's a term that refers to a 'third place' for people to enjoy their neighbourhoods and neighbours from that isn't home or work, but somewhere else (salon, cafe, park, library, etc.), and how increasingly independent life/convenience culture (this was written in the 80s and reads like such a retrospective tragedy now given that this model has only gained traction) wrecks communal, awkward, real life.
Somewhere along the way I learned to loathe being a burden on others, to lionise self sufficiency and, therefore, convenience. Thank you for making it easy to understand why that status quo should be challenged.
Love this post! Earlier this month, I asked a friend who lives in the Netherlands to bring some items to SA for me on her next visit. She immediately said yes, and I thanked her profusely. She said and I quote, "I actually really love it when a friend asks me for a favour". And, do you know what? So do I! It was a good reminder that we are not 'burdens' on others, we're supposed to care for each other and barter our time and expertise and love.
Right? when did 'i don't want to be a burden' become the mantra? because what that really means in reality is 'i don't want intimacy' which is really untrue of most people.
You have captured my (and I'm sure others) recent thoughts and feelings! 👏👏👏
When I think about my struggle to complete a task (could be anything), I'd battle and persevere to conquer the task (or submit defeat). The 'pain' (joy) of this struggle (learning) has now been 'conveniently' removed from my life experience and skill set.
Is our determination to challenge ourselves to learn in different ways, scenarios, situations, etc., being eroded? Are we expecting too little from ourselves?
Powerful thoughts and questions I pulled out from Tim Wu's article:
'What happens to human experience when so many obstacles and impediments and requirements and preparations have been removed?'
'We are becoming people who care mainly or only about outcomes. We are at risk of making most of our life experiences a series of trolley rides.'
'Struggle is not always a problem. Sometimes struggle is a solution. It can be the solution to the question of who you are.'
I pulled out some of those same quotes from Wu's article.
Struggle is so essential to developing as a human in every sphere, we need to remember that often the greatest truths are paradoxes. Like you might even find community with a group of people with whom you deeply disagree on some things.
Yes, I identify with this as well. Community is not always about agreeing about everything; sometimes, it is about having an ongoing conversation (aka humanity). You can scale this concept up from personal relationships to countries or governments.
So good, I love this; an addendum to all 'Third Place' thinking.
Some additions:
- Making it more normal to actually be a neighbour, especially when living in a complex. Fruit trees are a great example of this – in season, it is impossible for one household (especially single households) to eat the entirety of a fruit tree's offering. It actually gets overwhelming to try, and is therefore a joy to put out a bowl of limes for people to take on their way in our out.
The same goes for not knowing what to do with all the other 25 chillies going begging in the fridge after an ambitious curry night. Whizz them up, make a few jars of chilli oil, and distribute to brave neighbours.
- Make it a habit to send out optimistic but low-pressure messages to friends when you find yourself in their area, especially if they live further out. 'I'm around, are you free for coffee?'
- Make an effort to support independent shops in the area that demonstrate a sense of thoughtfulness and community orientation instead of just doing an online order for bread and eggs.
- Walk around your neighbourhood! This not only helps you feel more connected to the streets you live on, but is good for you, slows you down, and gives you a free and pretty (hopefully) way to pass time with kids and friends. What a novelty; to simply lock your door, put the keys in your pocket, and wander off.
Love these suggestions. Shopping locally is really an easy way to fight off that convenience culture. And the sharing of produce is so great. Jars of lemon curd for everyone!
Stef, what is 'Third Place' thinking?
Oh! I thought I'd seen you reference it before. Blue Cafe also touts it a lot haha, but it's a term that refers to a 'third place' for people to enjoy their neighbourhoods and neighbours from that isn't home or work, but somewhere else (salon, cafe, park, library, etc.), and how increasingly independent life/convenience culture (this was written in the 80s and reads like such a retrospective tragedy now given that this model has only gained traction) wrecks communal, awkward, real life.
Love this. SOunds familiar, third space... definitely essential to create them.
Somewhere along the way I learned to loathe being a burden on others, to lionise self sufficiency and, therefore, convenience. Thank you for making it easy to understand why that status quo should be challenged.
Praise be. Be a burden, Warren! People will love you for it.
Careful, I might start with you…
Love this post! Earlier this month, I asked a friend who lives in the Netherlands to bring some items to SA for me on her next visit. She immediately said yes, and I thanked her profusely. She said and I quote, "I actually really love it when a friend asks me for a favour". And, do you know what? So do I! It was a good reminder that we are not 'burdens' on others, we're supposed to care for each other and barter our time and expertise and love.
Right? when did 'i don't want to be a burden' become the mantra? because what that really means in reality is 'i don't want intimacy' which is really untrue of most people.
This is excellent, thank you, Hannah!
You have captured my (and I'm sure others) recent thoughts and feelings! 👏👏👏
When I think about my struggle to complete a task (could be anything), I'd battle and persevere to conquer the task (or submit defeat). The 'pain' (joy) of this struggle (learning) has now been 'conveniently' removed from my life experience and skill set.
Is our determination to challenge ourselves to learn in different ways, scenarios, situations, etc., being eroded? Are we expecting too little from ourselves?
Powerful thoughts and questions I pulled out from Tim Wu's article:
'What happens to human experience when so many obstacles and impediments and requirements and preparations have been removed?'
'We are becoming people who care mainly or only about outcomes. We are at risk of making most of our life experiences a series of trolley rides.'
'Struggle is not always a problem. Sometimes struggle is a solution. It can be the solution to the question of who you are.'
Thanks for being so engaged Heath! Love it!
I pulled out some of those same quotes from Wu's article.
Struggle is so essential to developing as a human in every sphere, we need to remember that often the greatest truths are paradoxes. Like you might even find community with a group of people with whom you deeply disagree on some things.
Yes, I identify with this as well. Community is not always about agreeing about everything; sometimes, it is about having an ongoing conversation (aka humanity). You can scale this concept up from personal relationships to countries or governments.
Could not agree with this statement more.